Friday, 1 May 2009

It's Because I Like Hitting People

"Good morning, I am Commander O'Brien and will be briefing you about today's policing strategy for the G20 Protests. I would like to thank all of you for taking part in this operation which I've called Operation Glencoe. For those of you who don't know, this was the site an infamous massacre in 1692 of some Scottish Jacobites who dared to step out of line. It's no coincidence that we have named our operation after this event, and I'm sure you can all anticipate how the MPS expects you to treat the protesters today. To remove any doubt, I want you to give them a good kicking. Don't worry about the media response, the right-wing press is and has always been on our side. However, there will undoubtedly be some Leftists there, videoing you. My advice is that you either remove all numerals from your epaulets now or, after giving someone a kicking, to swap your jackets around. Don't do too good a job preventing criminal damage to the infrastructure of the city though, otherwise I'll find it a little bit difficult to justify our overtly thuggish response. With the agreement of the Commissioner, I've nominated the Royal Bank of Scotland as the venue that we'll let the protesters smash up. It's quite an apt choice of location, I'm sure you'll agree, considering that we named today's operation after another Scottish humiliation! Seriously, I hope you are up for the challenge we face today and I want all of you to remember why you and I joined the police: it's because we like hitting people".

Okay, so I wasn't actually at this briefing, as the Utopian Police Force took no part. If I was at the briefing, I'm absolutely certain that none of the above would actually have been said. Not one word of it. Unless, however, you read the article written by George Monbiot in The Guardian.

I don't believe that I have ever read such licentious drivel that has so infuriated, incensed and angered me. Spittle flew against the PC monitor, my cup of tea fell on the floor, the cat leapt off the sofa, the birds in the street stopped singing. Mr Monbiot is, in his words, a best selling author (never heard of him, never want to read his books), presumably of fiction.

He also recounts how on one occasion where he was peacefully demonstrating, apathetic police officers stood idly by whilst private security guards impaled his foot on a spike. He doesn't elaborate on the circumstances of how his foot was in the vicinity of the said spike. Hmmm... Could it be the case that this occurred whilst Mr Monbiot was attempting, as a demonstrator, to gain illegal access onto private premises where the owners had hired security guards to protect their property? Could it be that the police officers took no steps to eject Mr Monbiot in accordance with trespass law, which states that the rightful owner or their agents should first seek to eject a trespasser, and that the police should only intervene upon their request? Could it also be that, whilst Mr Monbiot was clambering over the fence, the private security guards stopped him, that he slipped and impaled his foot on a metal spike, all through his own infantile stupidity? This I am certain of.

Mr Monbiot would also have you believe that police officers continuously bashed the head of one of his friend's on a police van and then arrested him for criminal damage. He was charged for this offence and presumably sent to court. "Why is this man here before me today officer?" "Well, m'lud, he walked up to our van and began bashing his head on the bonnet of it for no reason whatsoever. I told him to stop, so I did, but he would not listen, he would not. That was when I arrested him for criminal damage." "Good work officer. He's clearly guilty. By the way, nice to see that you're not wearing your shoulder numerals today. I hope you gave him a good kicking." "Why m'lud, that's the very reason why I joined the police, because I like hitting people."

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]


  1. Read the same article at the time and like you went into a rage. I often think as I sit in a van listening to the chat of people behind me how George would fit in. How exactly would George have dealt with some of the people and incidents we had dealt with that night. It's a question of alternative reality really . We have the reality of George who seem to only see the police as a corrupt,violent , intrusive organisation hell bent on oppressing the public verse the reality of our daily lives working mostly with poor, vulnerable people whose lives are blighted by crime living in constant fear often from teenagers whom the criminal justice system seems incapable of dealing with. Still as they say anger in love out ! I am sure his parents are proud of him.

  2. Most of the dealings I've had with the police, as a victim, or through less-than-salubrious aquaintances being searched/charged/arrested etc, have been as pleasant as the police could make it. They have always been polite, professional, and competent.
    The only exception I have ever encountered are at demonstrations in London. I would suggest that part of the problem here is as protesters we only see policemen trying to pen us in, by force if necessary, and then being rather harsh to people needing basics- medical attention, water, toilets in kettled areas. Similarly, the police only see a large group of potentially violent people who need to be kept under control just in case (apart from the minority who DO turn up just to be arseholes of course). Perhaps both sides need to be more aware of the other sides approach and reasons? The more people who return home happy and unmolested on both sides, the better surely?