Saturday, 2 April 2011

Back on the Frontline - 'Yer Mother's Cunt'

Sorry about the language but this is a reminder to readers and the SMT that this is what the frontline put up with every day.

I don't get out as much as I would like but I do love getting out and am pleased that I still know most of the local offenders. I was out on patrol with one of my officers when we got sent to a report of a domestic in a street nearby. Residents are reporting a disturbance in the street. From the location I knew exactly who we would be dealing with.

Jane has been living with Tony for about two years. This is a record for her. Jane has a council house, she is 38 but looks at least 50. Her 18 year old daughter also lives with her. Jane has never had a job that I am aware of. She regularly gets arrested for shoplifting and drunk and disorderly. She likes a drink and is drunk most nights of the week. Jane has had a series of waste of space boyfriends, who she moves in and out on a regular basis. Tony is a full time thief and preys particularly on the elderly, fleecing them at every opportunity. He is in and out of prison. He too likes a drink and most nights the pair of them are drunk and fight and the police are regularly called.

Jane's mother lives four doors from Jane, also in a council house. She doesn't work, but at least she doesn't get drunk all the time. About three months ago Jane found out that Tony had been sleeping with her daughter. About a month ago she found out that Tony had also slept with her mother. Three generations, probably not a record, but class. After each revelation Jane threw Tony out for at least 24 hours and since then the drinking and fights have escalated.

We arrive in the street and there is Jane as drunk as a skunk shouting and swearing at Tony. She seems to still be upset about him sleeping with her mother. I thought she would have got over it by now! For some reason she still sees her mother is an innocent victim in all this and they are still on good terms. Tony, for once, is sober and trying to calm her down. We try and talk to her and the only response I get is "Fuck off, yer mother's cunt." We try and calm her down and get her in the house but she is having none of it. She gets arrested and I take her to our vehicle. Tony is trying to stop her being arrested (He does love her really!) and has to be told to go away. Jane is repeatedly saying to me. "Yer mother's cunt." Unprofessional, but I just couldn't help myself. I said "You want to ask Tony about 'yer mother's cunt.' He knows it very well." It took a moment to sink in but when she finally realised what I had said she takes a haymaker of a swing at me, which is easily avoided. "Yer mother's cunt." She says.

Jane gets charged with drunk and disorderly (not assault, that would have been unfair) and is sentenced to one days imprisonment. She has already served the days imprisonment having spent a night in the police cells, so she is free to go and do it all again.


  1. @ Dr Melvin T Gray - Melvin, I have deleted your comments offering rewards to out me. You may be surprised to know that it will not cause me any real concern to be outed but it may curtail future reports and despite what you think, I can and do give an insight into some subjects that may be of interest to others.
    I am now bored with baiting you and have taken steps (like your friend Gadget) to stop you boring me on this blog any longer. Lex

  2. Do we work on the same borough? These people have very low standards and have no problem achieving them. Watch Jeremy Kyle every morning to see who we deal with on a regular basis,people with no shame.
    PC Jaded.

  3. LOL! You're awesome when you're being "unprofessional" !

  4. Lex, I am an acquaintance of 'Dr.' Gray. Having met him I can confirm that he is the most supercilious, obnoxious, irritating, bombastic, self adulating human being I have ever had the misfortune to meet. He is a sad little man who spends his life on the internet trying to score points. If he had the brain he perceives he would see that he is going to die an (already sad and) very lonely old man unless he has the sense to change his ways. Gadget 2!

  5. jtblue3recon Damn fine comeback with that one. Please keep up the good work and Be Carefull Out There.

  6. Amazed that he has not got all 3 pregnant, makes for interesting relationships at school.

  7. I think that she is a tease....look at the way her dress is seductively off her shoulders. She just needs to rub her rouge into her kneecaps.


  8. "Three generations, probably not a record, but class."

    Possibly the funnest line I've read in ages.

    As for your unprofessional come-back... pure genius!